How to Wrestle Your Wetsuit On: A Comical Guide
Alright, water warriors, if you've ever tried donning a wetsuit and felt like you were reenacting a scene from a slapstick comedy, you're not alone. Here's how to get into that stubborn piece of neoprene without looking like you're auditioning for a circus.
1. Pre-battle prep: You'll need ....
- Your wetsuit
- A WetChute (because you don't have to suffer)
- A Changing Towel (if you don't want to espose yourself)
2. Know thy enemy: First, figure out which side is up. The zipper usually goes on the back, but if you want to try a fashion-forward look with the zipper in the front, who am I to stop you?
3. The ol' foot-in-bag trick: The WetChute replaces the old plastic bag trick. Not only is it haute couture, but it also makes sliding into the wetsuit feel less like threading a needle with a sausage. The WetChute is made from slippery parachute material which allows you to slide through the neoprene.
4. Shimmy, shimmy: Now, put the WetChute over one foot and ease that wetsuit up like you're getting into skinny jeans after Thanksgiving dinner. Use fingertips, not nails, unless you want custom air vents. Repeat with other foot.
5. The arm cha-cha: Use the WetChute again because your hands deserve the same VIP treatment. Slide one arm in, do a little dance, then go for the other.
6. Wiggle and jiggle: Wiggle around to eliminate any creases and to give any onlookers a good laugh. The smoother the fit, the less you'll look like a wrinkled sea monster.
7. The zipper tango: Reach back and hoist that zipper up. If you're extra flexible, you might discover a new yoga pose. If not, it's a good excuse to ask someone cute for assistance.
8. Get out there: Before you run into the water, be sure to throw you keys, sunscreen, wax, etc into the WetChute.
Pro Tips (or rather Silly Suggestions):
- After your aquatic adventures, give your suit a rinse. Nobody likes a salty wetsuit.
- Store it somewhere cool. Wetsuits, unlike wine or cheese, don't age well.
- Practice makes perfect! Or at least, practice makes less embarrassing.
Remember, the wetsuit tussle is a rite of passage in the world of water sports. Embrace the hilarity, enjoy the journey, and dive right in!